I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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