I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
