I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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