yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
