is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
