dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
