shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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