the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
