Yo dont text me then not text me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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