she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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