lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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