Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
