why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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