This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
