I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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