at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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