I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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