i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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