So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
