the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there was a trapeze. enough said
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So squirting runs in the family.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
