They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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