Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
