i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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