my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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