My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
