I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
