so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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