i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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