Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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