My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
