Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
