hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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