He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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