i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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