Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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