she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
