One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
