and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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