apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
