wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
