I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
