a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
