what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
