I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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