go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
