This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
