Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
