Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
