my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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