quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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