we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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