I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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