You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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