By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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