I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am available for nakedness
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
