I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
