He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
