Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
