yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
