woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
