I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
